I had one of these sorts of conversations last Saturday night in a lift. Don't ask me why but for some reason I found myself turning to my friend and asking her about her parents words for sex. I have no idea where the conversation sprang from, but it happened, and frankly, it was hilarious. It has also grown into something so much bigger it's caused me to write this post.
So, parents words for sex. Or, as I've desperately been trying to get trending on twitter #parentswordsforsex
It's my theory that all parents have them, use them and are advocates of them. My parents may be more repressed than the average bunch and it's possible I've a distorted warped view of the world having been packed off to boarding school as a child with my only nourishment being laughing cow sandwiches. However, I'm confident that there are other parents out there, and indeed, other children who were brought up on papayas and herrings who also endured the murky period of time of strange code, euphemism and frankly downright confusion some of the time.
So far we have:
Bonking - a classic, I'm fairly sure this is standard practice used up and down the country. Expectant mothers are probably taught it in ante natal classes. You know when you're trying to think about all that breathing you were taught and "how to find your happy place" I bet all that bullshit leaves you in the heat of the moment and you find yourself thinking of words you can use as euphemisms for sex to your child so they'll be so put off it they will never ever go through what you are doing.
Rumpy Pumpy. Disturbing, frankly, the kind of word a pervvy uncle uses after one too many sloe gins and after everyone has finished having a good laugh at the Dorset Knobs your mother has just produced to go with the cheese. Also, correct pronunciation needs lots of 'R's. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumpy pumpy. Shudder.
HOW'S YOUR FATHER. My personal favourite. Feels like the kind of word I might use if I was discussing sex in Waitrose. Which I do, frequently, y'know, FOR KICKS. In all seriousness though, comedy gold. I'm going to reintroduce this. Admittedly I have literally nothing in common with "the kids" but if I was a member of their team or gang, I'd be all over saying how's your father.
After this, it basically descended into: how many different words for having sex can you name. The list was fairly extensive and used all the obvious ones like shagging etc. However, as it went on and on and the more obscure words used started to appear we did somehow manage to stumble upon one which, is actually a very strong contender for how's your father as the all time greatest euphemism for having sex, ever.
Peter up the Pantry.
Special thanks to Green Wing for that gem, and of course, a huge shout out to Dr Alan Statham. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwryAppHAHg
(disclaimer: I couldn't actually find the clip of him saying "Peter up the pantry" I just think this is hilarious.
So, parents words for sex. Or, as I've desperately been trying to get trending on twitter #parentswordsforsex
It's my theory that all parents have them, use them and are advocates of them. My parents may be more repressed than the average bunch and it's possible I've a distorted warped view of the world having been packed off to boarding school as a child with my only nourishment being laughing cow sandwiches. However, I'm confident that there are other parents out there, and indeed, other children who were brought up on papayas and herrings who also endured the murky period of time of strange code, euphemism and frankly downright confusion some of the time.
So far we have:
Bonking - a classic, I'm fairly sure this is standard practice used up and down the country. Expectant mothers are probably taught it in ante natal classes. You know when you're trying to think about all that breathing you were taught and "how to find your happy place" I bet all that bullshit leaves you in the heat of the moment and you find yourself thinking of words you can use as euphemisms for sex to your child so they'll be so put off it they will never ever go through what you are doing.
Rumpy Pumpy. Disturbing, frankly, the kind of word a pervvy uncle uses after one too many sloe gins and after everyone has finished having a good laugh at the Dorset Knobs your mother has just produced to go with the cheese. Also, correct pronunciation needs lots of 'R's. Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrumpy pumpy. Shudder.
HOW'S YOUR FATHER. My personal favourite. Feels like the kind of word I might use if I was discussing sex in Waitrose. Which I do, frequently, y'know, FOR KICKS. In all seriousness though, comedy gold. I'm going to reintroduce this. Admittedly I have literally nothing in common with "the kids" but if I was a member of their team or gang, I'd be all over saying how's your father.
After this, it basically descended into: how many different words for having sex can you name. The list was fairly extensive and used all the obvious ones like shagging etc. However, as it went on and on and the more obscure words used started to appear we did somehow manage to stumble upon one which, is actually a very strong contender for how's your father as the all time greatest euphemism for having sex, ever.
Peter up the Pantry.
Special thanks to Green Wing for that gem, and of course, a huge shout out to Dr Alan Statham. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BwryAppHAHg
(disclaimer: I couldn't actually find the clip of him saying "Peter up the pantry" I just think this is hilarious.
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