Back to back

Be careful what you wish for, I have been taught in the last few days. I wished for...falafel, instead I got a compressed nerve in my already very damaged back. BRILLO.

I was thinking about this yesterday as I hobbled to the bus stop at my average speed of 0.1 mph. When your average speed is VERY SLOW you have a lot of thinking time. It's also important to try and give distraction from the pain of not lying down and being immobile. So I was thinking about how I should write a blog post about my back.

It's unlikely that this post will be funny, feature quotes from my now legendary mother and her attempts to get me a lover, nor in all likelihood will it be very interesting. However, seeing as I know my long suffering and excellent friends are the main readers of this blog (although according to blogger stats I have quite a fan base in Russia), it's also partly a long and rambling thank you.

I'm fairly sure that everyone is aware of the problems I have with my back. Admittedly, there have been a few awkward moments when I've encountered one of the few people in the world that I haven't. I dropped a packet of pitta bread in Waitrose yesterday and was left expectantly staring at the man in front of me, excpecting him to automatically drop down and pick it up for me as obviously I can't bend. He didn't. I gave him a look, he quelled and picked it up for me. It was rather odd actually, I must get this look out more often, I have great power!

Anyway, I digress, stories of young men in Waitrose...my mother will be thrilled.

So yes, I've had real trouble with it for about 18 months now. I've had problems in the past with my back, but mainly that's been down to stress and has never lasted more than a few days. So when I started having problems a while back, I put it down to stress. I was organising a big event at work, was under pressure, and I cannot handle pressure, I flap and panic and when my back started hurting I didn't think much of it.

Unfortunately, it got worse and it never got better. I think the worst thing has been how long I had to wait for a diagnosis. I have seen GPs, consultants, physios, osteopaths, strange sports therapists you name it and it was only when I eventually got an MRI a few months ago that they told me I had a bulging disc. The consultant cheerily told me that "it's bad...but it could be a lot worse!" which was a huge relief of course. He did however shatter my dreams of just shoving the fucker back in by telling me that couldn't be done. Nor could poking it, prodding or encouraging it back. He full on shot me down.

I can't really describe what it's like to have back pain because how you describe what pain is like? With me, it's pain which changes and affects different parts everyday. At the moment I'm having real trouble because the disc has become inflamed and is therefore trapping the nerves. Because of this I have a sharp ache continuously in my lower back (where the disc is) and also going down into my leg and occasionally into my calf. So that's fun. This is a new problem though, usually I just have to live with a very stiff and sore back with occasional pain which feels as if someone has stuck a knife into me.

What I hate most is how much it has affected my life. I feel like I am a different person now I live with this affliction. I can no longer do whatever I like, whenever. I can't go to gigs because I can't stand for too long, I can't concentrate at work like I used to because the pain numbs my mind and is all I can think about, I can't walk for long period of time and I can't be happy and care free. If it stopped me from doing things like skydiving and off road mountain bike riding, I reckon I'd probably be ok...but this can stop me from being able to get out of bed in the morning and getting the tube to go to work.

I'm naturally of quite a cheery disposition and my incessant desire to make small talk keeps my mind distracted. Obviously I have dark moments when I feel down about the fact I'm 25 and I get overtaken by packs of pensioners in the street, but really thanks to the support of my friends, family and colleagues I manage to stay pretty cheery. All are phenomenally tolerant of my inability to sit still for 5 minutes, my consistently grumpy to the point of demolition moods in the morning and my repetitive and monotonous chat of "my back hurts".

So a huge, Horsley style sensationalist thank you to you all. I bloody love you. When I get this sorted, we can go for a long walk and have a pint.

Thanks for reading.
H