My time has been consumed with the following inanities:
Rodent wars
Raging a battle against the hoards of mice which choose to trample around my room each night, callously gorging themselves upon my impressive collection of black wires which look important and which I have therefore never thrown away.
Staring out of the window
This is generally a morning activity. I glaze over* wondering what I should do with my day, and then thinking about how interesting it is that my mind is blank. Whenever I am told to "clear your mind" my mind is always filled with pointless consuming thoughts such as "Oooh I just blinked!". Sod's law eh?
* NB this is not a pun on double glazing.
Making playlists on Spotify
This has become one of my favourite past-times, it makes my day feel like it has an edge of purpose. The purpose being of course that I can subsequently inflict unsuspecting friends with my music taste whilst filled with a completely unfounded opinion that my music taste is the best in the world. (Needless to say, this is of course, true.)
Cycling
Until a few days ago I was going cycling every day. I have swallowed my pride and resigned myself that in order to keep ones ears warm whilst I charge along at fantastic speeds I have to wear a hat which basically... well it makes me look like a twat. This was all very well, however, until my stream of bad luck with bikes reached a dramatic climax last Tuesday.
The original bike bad luck was that my first one got stolen, which sucked. I then invested in a new one for which I could swan around Leamington mentally shouting "walking wankers!" at everyone as I smugly sped past. My smugness was however, cut short when on a nice downhill stretch the fucking brakes fell off. I cannot really emphasise how inconvenient this was. It is not a pleasant experience to hear a clunk, presume it was something unimportant, glance around and see "bits of bike" strewn across the ground. Needless to say, I survived, but I was pissed.
Surely this was the pinnacle of bike related bad luck, it couldn't get worse, I naively thought as I continued to happily peddle about. Well, I can confirm it bloody well can get worse; Especially when your front wheel falls off. Granted, I was to a degree responsible for this. Although I could claim that the force and speed at which I was cycling forced it to spin off, unable to keep up with such terrific exertion that's quite clearly bollocks. No, my fault lies within the fact that I did suspect something was wrong as it was making a rather unusual noise and seemed to wobble a bit but in a true feat of bloody-mindedness I went to for the classic technique of "ignore it and hope it goes away". Well, this let me down in quite a spectacular fashion. I won't go into the gory details of me (obviously) falling off the bike, or having to fish around in the ditch to retrieve the rogue wheel. It did, leave me in the then extremely awkward position of being stuck, a mile from home, with a fucking haphazard self-constructed unicycle and, in a freakish twist of fate, an inordinate number of cars driving past. All of which contained their very own smirking driver who took (it seemed to me) an almost sadistic amount of pleasure of whizzing past whilst I, manfully struggled on, still looking like a twat, not just because of my ridiculous hat but also because I was attempting to manoeuvre a lump of metal in a homeward direction.
Time to look for a job.
